#11 : Love is blind.

Sometimes I think prolly this is not the love I wanted. Or should I say that I don't know what kind of love I wish for. I can't be positive, I really can't. I don't want to keep my hopes high and fall real hard. Because to be honest, I really have no idea what will I do this time when I get hurt so bad when I have already fall so deeply in love with you. Please don't ask me to be positive, it's not easy for me because I have experience too much heartbreaks. This time, I know it's different. That's why I'm afraid I would do something I myself couldn't even think of. I'm afraid, so afraid of getting hurt. After ck's incident, after yc's incident it is already enough for me. I myself know my limit. Please don't treat me too good, please do not make too much promises. Yes, I know that there will be heartbreaks in every relationship. But I just don't want to end it in a very harsh way. I am so afraid of i were to think very positive I might just kill myself or rather go mad when you leave one day or when things get too hard for us. I'm emotionally, mentally and physically tired. Sometimes I really really wish that I could not feel. I wish that I was feeling less. Can anyone feel me? Can anyone feel how much I really wish that I couldn't feel? Why am I born in a negative way. Why am I even in this world. Why must I even feel this way. Why must I be so .......... argh. Why do I even feel so much? Why am I easily super. Why do I even cry so easily????????????? Why am I even so fucking weak compared to others???????? Why am I so different?????! Why????????? Those who are important to me including my own mum, their words seriously can affect me so badly. I can cry a million tears or even die for them. This is just how bad my situation is. And this is one real bad point about me. I take things too seriously. I need to stop. I need to. 

I'm so done with my life.

#10 : Relying too much on others just kills ourselves more when they leave.

My life can never be in peace. I will forever have problems. I don't even know who should I talk to. I just now act like I'm fine when I'm absolutely not. After I heard, my heart sank. I don't want to dayre about it I don't want to let him know too. Probably I should just keep it to myself. I don't want anymore problems. Small problems like this I suppose is nothing. Sometimes even when I want to type my feelings somewhere I have to do it when he isn't around. I feel so stressed. Sometimes all I want is some personal space. 

#9: 放弃自己

If I say I don't get fed up easily this few weeks it's really fake. I don't know what is wrong with me like seriously. Want to find out what's the reason. But I just can't.