#11 : Love is blind.

Sometimes I think prolly this is not the love I wanted. Or should I say that I don't know what kind of love I wish for. I can't be positive, I really can't. I don't want to keep my hopes high and fall real hard. Because to be honest, I really have no idea what will I do this time when I get hurt so bad when I have already fall so deeply in love with you. Please don't ask me to be positive, it's not easy for me because I have experience too much heartbreaks. This time, I know it's different. That's why I'm afraid I would do something I myself couldn't even think of. I'm afraid, so afraid of getting hurt. After ck's incident, after yc's incident it is already enough for me. I myself know my limit. Please don't treat me too good, please do not make too much promises. Yes, I know that there will be heartbreaks in every relationship. But I just don't want to end it in a very harsh way. I am so afraid of i were to think very positive I might just kill myself or rather go mad when you leave one day or when things get too hard for us. I'm emotionally, mentally and physically tired. Sometimes I really really wish that I could not feel. I wish that I was feeling less. Can anyone feel me? Can anyone feel how much I really wish that I couldn't feel? Why am I born in a negative way. Why am I even in this world. Why must I even feel this way. Why must I be so .......... argh. Why do I even feel so much? Why am I easily super. Why do I even cry so easily????????????? Why am I even so fucking weak compared to others???????? Why am I so different?????! Why????????? Those who are important to me including my own mum, their words seriously can affect me so badly. I can cry a million tears or even die for them. This is just how bad my situation is. And this is one real bad point about me. I take things too seriously. I need to stop. I need to. 

I'm so done with my life.

#10 : Relying too much on others just kills ourselves more when they leave.

My life can never be in peace. I will forever have problems. I don't even know who should I talk to. I just now act like I'm fine when I'm absolutely not. After I heard, my heart sank. I don't want to dayre about it I don't want to let him know too. Probably I should just keep it to myself. I don't want anymore problems. Small problems like this I suppose is nothing. Sometimes even when I want to type my feelings somewhere I have to do it when he isn't around. I feel so stressed. Sometimes all I want is some personal space. 

#9: 放弃自己

If I say I don't get fed up easily this few weeks it's really fake. I don't know what is wrong with me like seriously. Want to find out what's the reason. But I just can't. 

#8: Maybe humans should be more contented about their life.

So glad that he made the effort to come down to my work place yesterday to come and fetch me from work because he misses me so much. Despite me asking him to come he insist. I'm so fucking glad to call him mine. I'm sorry love, sorry for always getting moody, attitude you and cold reply you whenever I'm affected by the small things that happened around us. I really hope the same things wouldn't repeat itself. Thank you for always staying by my side. I want to last with you. I just hope this relationship will be the best I ever had. 

Please wait up :-( I want to talk to you so badly, miss miss.

#7: Bad thoughts kills me more at night.

I need to........ stop thinking so much. It's unhealthy yet at the same time I need to act like I'm fine. Fucking hell. Hate myself. I NEED TO TOLERATE I NEED TO SWALLOW IT DOWN. I NEED TO STOP THINKING. I NEED TO ACT LIKE IM FINE I FUCKING NEED TO. OH GOD WHY ISIT SO HARD TO ACT LIKE IM FINE WHY OH WHY IM DYING REALLY DYING. I WANT A BREAK A RATHER LONG ONE ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FEELING SO AWFUL LIKE REALLY. 

I should just keep it to myself. I really don't want to burden others. 

#14 :It's plain useless forgiving someone who does the same mistake again and again.

quarreled with Hilary earlier on, oh anyway we quarreled over smth lame. But the most important part is not what we quarreled about but is about the TRUST. I know ppl out there is going to be like " aiya lame la, quarrel over this" and etc but hey udk anything that is happening so pls don't make so much comments thank you.

Furthermore, i don't even know why i forgive her again and again despite her hurting me times after times. I don't understand, i really don't. It's just not me.

I have no idea who to trust right now and that feeling is just awful 

I have so much to say, really. I know my attitude is like shit. So why should i even expect ppl's attitude to me to be nice too? Fuck it, i don't even know what's wrong with me this few days. I'm getting really upset & angry easily. & i totally have no idea why is this even happening to me... is my period going to visit me real soon...? 

i flared up so easily, i cry easily. i smile easily, I get upset easily too. & i don't think it's something good though? 

I'm feeling so horrible, really just plain fucking horrible. i really want a getaway like real soon, i want to leave this place as long as possible. i don't want to face all this shit again and again. I'm really sick and tired of it. & what's worse is that i don't want ppl to know and I'm not going to reply nor tweet anything. 

i really just can't take it any longer. today wen suddenly asked me if i quarreled with bel I'm like... 😶 i dk what am i suppose to tell her, firstly it's not that i don't trust her or anything. it's just that it's between me and bel and i don't really want to say much about it as I was really feeling so down yet pissed at that period of time and yet idw to affect other ppl's mood at the same time and so I can only act normal in front of then... fucking hell, can die. 

" Nobody to talked to, nobody i can trust. I'm just all alone by myself. " 

on a brighter side it's pay day tmr. i really can't wait, am feeling so broke for this god damn month. oh dear i really wonder how i survived.... it's only 9:37pm and I can't wait to sleep dk why am i feeling so sleepy...

#6 : 是你的就是你的 不是你的就不是你的

been updating my dayre because I'm VERY busy with meet ups & collection of shoes and all the packing + contacting customers and replying to all their questions. Po#1 was really the hardest and tiring batch ever, i guess if i find a better supplier my stuffs won't delayed for so long... furthermore i think my business will earn more $$ but meh... it's ok gdluck to me i hope i will find a btr supplier soonest!

the amount of shoes that arrived.... after i end work on Monday, it was raining heavily!!!!  I rushed to pgl to meet candy and the supplier. thought that we cld nt get our items but we did. so yay  hahahaha after that we took cab and went back to my house to dispatch everything!

and that crazy amount of shoes me and wen have to pack is just crazy but we did it in 2 hours + time right after we get our stuffs!  but some of the items we didn't received, esp vans!!!!!!!  the supplier is driving me crazy!!!!!!
 i need to kill her hahaha just kidding!

after the packing!!!!!!!  congrats to us! i think we are really very fast and efficient. we always keep our customers updated!  am really feeling so happy and contented. but still fk those unreasonable customers, am glad that my customers r all nice ppl!  thank god! i slept at about 1+ on that day.  felt like dying and super sleepy for the whole day of yesterday (since 12am had past)

after we arrange for meet up in a few minutes, we arrange for meet up the next day. i rly think that we r too nice!! (wen keep emphasizing on that) 😕 hmmm... 

thank god we cleared sengkang & serangoon! tmr (later) still need to do meet ups at tampines & pasir ris oh god. 

ok it's already 12:18am i think i typed and update v fast ah. time to sleep now!!!!!! i only spend 12 mins on dayre for such a adventurous post huh????? sorrynotsorry i princess that's why. 

ended work and rushed back home immediately, and I have been doing this for 2 days straight. I can't deny that it is really VERY tiring... but oh well the satisfaction i get after seeing my customers happy and stuffs just makes me feel so much better! 

last day of work tmr for this week! yay  

late night thoughts... I have been thinking SO much, really. i don't even know what the hell does he wants. his post is so contradicting... maybe he is really right??? idk? Regina, just move the fuck on. Idk how long more must i lie...? Acting like i don't love him at all when i still fking do is not easy at all. But meh, I'm here thinking about all this it doesn't mean that he is too. So why am i wasting my time? 

是你的就是你的 不是你的就不是你的， 勉强是不会有幸福的 我宁愿放手 看我们到底是命中注定的吗? 想看看最终你会不会回到我生边来呢? 我看应该不会 哈哈哈 希望你的找到你的幸福 我之前说的只是讲爽的.