#11 : Love is blind.

Sometimes I think prolly this is not the love I wanted. Or should I say that I don't know what kind of love I wish for. I can't be positive, I really can't. I don't want to keep my hopes high and fall real hard. Because to be honest, I really have no idea what will I do this time when I get hurt so bad when I have already fall so deeply in love with you. Please don't ask me to be positive, it's not easy for me because I have experience too much heartbreaks. This time, I know it's different. That's why I'm afraid I would do something I myself couldn't even think of. I'm afraid, so afraid of getting hurt. After ck's incident, after yc's incident it is already enough for me. I myself know my limit. Please don't treat me too good, please do not make too much promises. Yes, I know that there will be heartbreaks in every relationship. But I just don't want to end it in a very harsh way. I am so afraid of i were to think very positive I might just kill myself or rather go mad when you leave one day or when things get too hard for us. I'm emotionally, mentally and physically tired. Sometimes I really really wish that I could not feel. I wish that I was feeling less. Can anyone feel me? Can anyone feel how much I really wish that I couldn't feel? Why am I born in a negative way. Why am I even in this world. Why must I even feel this way. Why must I be so .......... argh. Why do I even feel so much? Why am I easily super. Why do I even cry so easily????????????? Why am I even so fucking weak compared to others???????? Why am I so different?????! Why????????? Those who are important to me including my own mum, their words seriously can affect me so badly. I can cry a million tears or even die for them. This is just how bad my situation is. And this is one real bad point about me. I take things too seriously. I need to stop. I need to. 

I'm so done with my life.

#10 : Relying too much on others just kills ourselves more when they leave.

My life can never be in peace. I will forever have problems. I don't even know who should I talk to. I just now act like I'm fine when I'm absolutely not. After I heard, my heart sank. I don't want to dayre about it I don't want to let him know too. Probably I should just keep it to myself. I don't want anymore problems. Small problems like this I suppose is nothing. Sometimes even when I want to type my feelings somewhere I have to do it when he isn't around. I feel so stressed. Sometimes all I want is some personal space. 

#9: 放弃自己

If I say I don't get fed up easily this few weeks it's really fake. I don't know what is wrong with me like seriously. Want to find out what's the reason. But I just can't. 

#8: Maybe humans should be more contented about their life.

So glad that he made the effort to come down to my work place yesterday to come and fetch me from work because he misses me so much. Despite me asking him to come he insist. I'm so fucking glad to call him mine. I'm sorry love, sorry for always getting moody, attitude you and cold reply you whenever I'm affected by the small things that happened around us. I really hope the same things wouldn't repeat itself. Thank you for always staying by my side. I want to last with you. I just hope this relationship will be the best I ever had. 

Please wait up :-( I want to talk to you so badly, miss miss.

#7: Bad thoughts kills me more at night.

I need to........ stop thinking so much. It's unhealthy yet at the same time I need to act like I'm fine. Fucking hell. Hate myself. I NEED TO TOLERATE I NEED TO SWALLOW IT DOWN. I NEED TO STOP THINKING. I NEED TO ACT LIKE IM FINE I FUCKING NEED TO. OH GOD WHY ISIT SO HARD TO ACT LIKE IM FINE WHY OH WHY IM DYING REALLY DYING. I WANT A BREAK A RATHER LONG ONE ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FEELING SO AWFUL LIKE REALLY. 

I should just keep it to myself. I really don't want to burden others.